Friday, May 18, 2012

Not Quite Right


Remarkably over the next few months I was able to stay fairly calm.  At times I would be overwhelmed with worry, but usually I could take myself back to the sonogram.  I would remember how they saw distinct fingers, a normal looking heart, two hemispheres in his brain, and several other promising “normal” features.  I was also able to find comfort in doing all I could to prepare.  We even met with one of the three possible doctors who could perform his cleft repair while I was still pregnant.  He thought this odd and mentioned (more than once) that it was not typical to meet with parents prior to surgery. We were very glad we did because we were not pleased with this doctor due to his seemingly arrogant attitude.  Even though he seemed quite capable we requested a switch due to this experience.  We were able to choose a new surgeon prior to his birth and are so grateful for the choice we made.  His plastic surgeon is amazing!  We also learned about various treatment options, long term and immediate needs, and specialized feeding tools.  All of this helped us feel more prepared.
We had two additional, high resolution 3D sonograms with the perinatologist and things continued to look promising.  The two follow up sonograms were completed much faster but I pushed for them to look closer.  They obliged slightly, but mostly brushed off my requests saying that the first sonogram checked Logan well and they are still seeing normal development.  They looked at the major features, but the details weren’t as closely examined.  At these sonograms Logan’s size was also beginning to be predicted.  It looked as though he would be quite large with a predicted weight of around ten pounds.  My stomach measurements were also measuring on the larger side.  This was a bit odd because Reyna was only six pounds, thirteen ounces but larger babies had been born on Seth’s side of the family so it seemed possible.  There was also of course the consideration I had in my own mind that the original due date was more accurate which would throw off the size for gestation a bit.


My Extra Big Tummy

In addition to Logan’s larger size, there began to be some other oddities that started to increase my worry again.  Around thirty weeks I began to have regular contractions.  These were not the practice contractions that are normal.  These were typically three to five minutes apart and every time they hooked me up the monitor I appeared to be in full labor.  Thankfully however, when they would check internally I would show very little progression toward labor.  Twice I was given medication to prevent preterm labor but as little was changing I was able to continue with my daily tasks and work.  Many of the contractions would be uncomfortable but not terrible painful.  However, at times they were identical to my experience of going into labor with Reyna so it was very challenging to determine when I needed to go into the hospital.  We visited several times before the real thing and I was getting very frustrated by the thought of not being sure when it was “real.”  I was embarrassed to keep going in when it wasn’t needed, but at the same time worried I would ignore true labor. 
In addition to these early contractions Logan remained in breech position up until two days before labor.  I know that this can be typical, especially with a larger baby, but for me it just felt like one more thing that was not quite right in the pregnancy.  The (mostly) internal calm I was able to maintain earlier in the pregnancy began to break down at this point.  I think it was partly due to the delivery approaching and partly due to the instinctual feeling things weren’t quite right.  On the surface I was able to remain functional and calm, but inside I was full of worry.  Despite this worry, I was greatly looking forward to meeting little Logan.


Reyna enjoying a precious moment with Daddy
as Logan's arrival approached

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