Early Signs

Early in pregnancy there were some signs that something wasn’t quite right, but they were virtually impossible to read without hindsight.  The first odd moment was directly after the two home pregnancy tests.  To confirm with my insurance carrier and doctor that I was indeed pregnant I took a clinic test.  This came back negative.  As this seemed unlikely (unless sadly something had gone wrong) I took another home test which was positive.  I called my doctor and she encouraged me to come back in a day or two for a retest.  This test was positive.  This all seemed a little strange and didn’t sit well with me, but I let it go.

At the eight week mark I had my first sonogram.  Seth and I were so excited to see the baby.  I could remember during Reyna’s eight week sonogram seeing her round little head and tiny arms and legs.  Logan’s did not appear like this at all.  He still very much resembled a tadpole more than a miniture baby.  The doctor suggested that my conception date could just be wrong.  I was certain within days of the conception date, but after a bit of disagreement I conceded to change the date to reflect nearly two weeks earlier.  We were then encouraged to come back in a few weeks for another sonogram.

Tadpole Logan

The significance of this moment is now so apparent as in normal fetal development the natural clefts in the palate and lips will close around weeks six to eleven and the eyes will also complete the majority of their development at this time.  I do not find it a coincidence that in the early stages Logan’s development looked behind his original due date.  I also feel the inconsistent pregnancy tests may have been a result of things being a bit off early in pregnancy.  It all sat a little funny with me but I was easily able to think it was just a strange coincidence until my twenty week ultrasound.  As for the repeat sonogram it was done a few weeks later as ordered.   Then Logan, our little fighter, fully resembled a remarkable tiny baby waving his arms around as expected.

(His head is down and to the right)

Testing, testing...

As I was on oral contraceptives it was quite unexpected to be “late.”  Yet, in the past I had experienced irregular cycles (part of the crazy notion by my college OB that it would be a challenge to get pregnant).  Still, I bought a pregnancy test to relieve the worry of the unknown.  Once I actually picked up a test and paid for it the anxiety began to mount quickly and I couldn’t even wait until I got home.  So there I was taking a pregnancy test in a public restroom that was “going to be negative anyway, right?”  Yet, the most faint second line of pink appeared.  It was so very faint I thought it must still be negative so I read all that fine print on the package to be verify.  However, the words I expected weren’t there.  Instead it indicated that even a faint second line indicates a positive pregnancy if read within the testing window of time.  The faint line was within the time window.  Convenitenly I was still in the store and could by a fully clear digital yes/no test ensure my eyes weren't playing tricks on me.  I took this one at home.  Despite the faint pink line I was still a bit surprised when it said “yes+” on the test.

Seeing these positive results was so different from my first experience with our daughter.  Then we were trying to have a baby and were in a more comfortable place finacially.  I had a huge mix of emotions.  They of course included excitement and joy but there was also much worry over being able to provide for our second child.  Seth was still out of work at the time and I had already done the mental math to determine that the baby would be due in early January.  Not an ideal time for a teacher.  I was so worried to tell Seth as he is always so practical ant his would be a huge challenge.  I thought he would be upset because of the finacial strain and Reyna still being quite young.  I should have realized his calm, practical manner would help him see more clearly than even I the joy that we had a baby coming.  As I told him through the tears he reassured me of what a wonderful moment this was and how we’d figure it out.  We would find a way.  I was able to then see through all the worry and give thanks for this new little one on the way.