Logan's Arrival

My labor with Logan progressed steadily and things seemed to be going smoothly.  Yet when they broke my water they noted that I had Polyhydramnios which is too much amniotic fluid.  Despite all my specialized sonograms this had not been previously noted and of course added to my worry.  Almost immediately after breaking my water I was pushing.  Suddenly many people joined the room since Logan was at high risk and would likely need to go to the NICU.  The pain was excruciating and notably different from that of Reyna’s labor.  I, who was determined she’d never be that lady screaming at the top of her lungs, was likely scaring every expectant mother in the entire state hospital.  The whole room seemed a whirl and I remember Reyna, for whom we had no one to watch, being taken in and out by kind nurses and Seth turning sheet white and nearly passing out.  Thankfully the nurses had him sit and drink some juice and he was okay.  He later shared he thought he was going to lose me or the baby or maybe even both.  With the level of pain in that moment I would have agreed with him.  At the time I thought the reason it was so bad was because of the prediction that Logan would be around ten pounds.  As it turned out Logan was only seven pounds two ounces.  The pushing was so difficult because his soft spots, which normally help the head mold during birth, were fused.  We didn’t know this until later but other differences were immediately noted. 

Logan cried a nice loud cry immediately and it was the best sound in the world.  He was bright and pink and had Apgar scores that rivaled his clearly healthy sister.  Due to this immediate positive look they allowed me to hold Logan.  As I embraced him I took him in and despite his obvious large cleft he was precious to me instantly.  As I began to look at the details of his features I started to be washed with worry.  I noticed his ears had skin tags all around them and then immediately after noticed this I saw he was not opening his eyes.  This realization was one of the most defining moments in my life.  Everything seemed to stop for a moment in time and then I was filled with panic.  I alerted the nurse to this realization and Logan was immediately swept from my arms. 

Seth and Reyna were able to go with Logan, but I was left overcome with anxiety for my little baby.  As they completed my extensive stitches all I could think about was the possibility I may not see Logan alive again.  I wanted to jump up out of the bed and run to the NICU.  Seth soon came back to let me know Logan continued to be stable.  Just a bit later I was able to join them in the NICU where I saw my sweet baby hooked up to various devices.  As we had done research on the possible outcomes I was prepared for what I may see in the NICU but it was still hard to see Logan that way.  I was so grateful to see he was alive and deeply thankful to be his mom.

You're Nearly Half Way There...Now Go Home

Due to his large size and breech position Logan was scheduled for a C-Section on his Daddy’s birthday.  However, he decided to pick his own day and came a bit earlier.  Two days prior to his birth I was having fairly good contractions and I was up until past three in the morning.  It was not only the contractions that were keeping me up but also the feeling that Logan was bucking his legs like a rabbit when trying to escape.  The last thing I remember before dozing off is my stomach looking strangely wide and warped as though Logan was squeezed in sideways. 

In the morning my stomach looked back to the way it had for a while.  I felt pretty confident that Logan had been working hard to turn head down, but I wasn’t certain if after making it halfway he succeeded or gave up and turned back upright.  I called the doctor, sharing that I though he may have turned and they were able to do a quick sonogram to check.  Luckily he had turned so I could now have a vaginal birth.  I felt pretty sure this was good news, but the thought of a ten pound baby was still quite daunting. 

I began having painful contractions again that day so we headed to the hospital, again.  They checked me and I was dilated four centimeters and was having regular contractions.  Sounded like a prime time for a baby to me but THEY SENT ME HOME.  I was pretty pissed at this because of how far along things seemed to be and my apparent challenge in determining if I was in true labor.  Oh, and yeah, I was a high risk pregnancy as well.  Sounded like a grand idea to send me home!

The next day I continued having bad contractions and called my clinic.  They had me come in to the clinic and hooked me up to the monitors.  As I had been for seven weeks, I was showing labor contractions but since I had remained at four centimeters they told me to go home and wait until the pain was just a bit more and then go to the hospital.  I went home and did my best to rest, pretty confident that this was it.  I soon had contractions so bad they woke me from my nap and we went to the hospital.  I was still at four centimeters and ready to strangle the first person who told me I was going home, but they told me my own doctor was the one at the hospital tonight and he wanted me to be admitted.  I was so relieved and found the hospital bracelet to be the loveliest piece of jewelry I had worn in quite some time.  

Reyna chilling in the room we were finally granted.
She was totally prepared to throw things on
my behalf if we didn't get it immediately.

Not Quite Right

Remarkably over the next few months I was able to stay fairly calm.  At times I would be overwhelmed with worry, but usually I could take myself back to the sonogram.  I would remember how they saw distinct fingers, a normal looking heart, two hemispheres in his brain, and several other promising “normal” features.  I was also able to find comfort in doing all I could to prepare.  We even met with one of the three possible doctors who could perform his cleft repair while I was still pregnant.  He thought this odd and mentioned (more than once) that it was not typical to meet with parents prior to surgery. We were very glad we did because we were not pleased with this doctor due to his seemingly arrogant attitude.  Even though he seemed quite capable we requested a switch due to this experience.  We were able to choose a new surgeon prior to his birth and are so grateful for the choice we made.  His plastic surgeon is amazing!  We also learned about various treatment options, long term and immediate needs, and specialized feeding tools.  All of this helped us feel more prepared.

We had two additional, high resolution 3D sonograms with the perinatologist and things continued to look promising.  The two follow up sonograms were completed much faster but I pushed for them to look closer.  They obliged slightly, but mostly brushed off my requests saying that the first sonogram checked Logan well and they are still seeing normal development.  They looked at the major features, but the details weren’t as closely examined.  At these sonograms Logan’s size was also beginning to be predicted.  It looked as though he would be quite large with a predicted weight of around ten pounds.  My stomach measurements were also measuring on the larger side.  This was a bit odd because Reyna was only six pounds, thirteen ounces but larger babies had been born on Seth’s side of the family so it seemed possible.  There was also of course the consideration I had in my own mind that the original due date was more accurate which would throw off the size for gestation a bit.

My Extra Big Tummy

In addition to Logan’s larger size, there began to be some other oddities that started to increase my worry again.  Around thirty weeks I began to have regular contractions.  These were not the practice contractions that are normal.  These were typically three to five minutes apart and every time they hooked me up the monitor I appeared to be in full labor.  Thankfully however, when they would check internally I would show very little progression toward labor.  Twice I was given medication to prevent preterm labor but as little was changing I was able to continue with my daily tasks and work.  Many of the contractions would be uncomfortable but not terrible painful.  However, at times they were identical to my experience of going into labor with Reyna so it was very challenging to determine when I needed to go into the hospital.  We visited several times before the real thing and I was getting very frustrated by the thought of not being sure when it was “real.”  I was embarrassed to keep going in when it wasn’t needed, but at the same time worried I would ignore true labor. 

In addition to these early contractions Logan remained in breech position up until two days before labor.  I know that this can be typical, especially with a larger baby, but for me it just felt like one more thing that was not quite right in the pregnancy.  The (mostly) internal calm I was able to maintain earlier in the pregnancy began to break down at this point.  I think it was partly due to the delivery approaching and partly due to the instinctual feeling things weren’t quite right.  On the surface I was able to remain functional and calm, but inside I was full of worry.  Despite this worry, I was greatly looking forward to meeting little Logan.

Reyna enjoying a precious moment with Daddy
as Logan's arrival approached

Reyna's Arrival

    To fully document and share our experience I’d like to begin with when we first became parents and welcomed our sweet little Reyna into the world.  By thirty-eight weeks I was definitely done being pregnant and luckily Reyna took the hint and joined us on May 9, 2009.  She picked a remarkable day to be born as this was the birthday of her great grandmother who had sadly passed away only two years prior to her arrival.  I went into labor on the day prior, but our little sweetie hung on through the night to come on Great Grandma’s birthday.  It was also the day prior to Mother’s Day that year and I was able to celebrate my first Mother’s Day as a mother with a brand new baby girl in my arms.  Best Mother’s Day gift ever!  As many do, I find it impossible to describe the moment when I held our baby in my arms for the first time.  Sounding totally cliché, it is simply miraculous.  I just loved looking at her, nuzzling her, seeing her tiny little fingernails and kissing her sweet, sweet head over and over.  God bless her tiny little 19^th percentile head.  Not to say it didn’t hurt, but God bless her sweet, tiny little head.

    To be honest Reyna’s arrival was pretty typical.  She was almost by the book.  She slept a lot in the beginning, she nursed well, she roomed in with Seth and I and we all left the hospital after two rather blissful days.  For new parents this was such a blessing.  I was especially grateful for this as her pregnancy had been pretty challenging, nothing terrible, but I wasn’t beaming rainbows and butterflies out of my orifices as I was almost constantly sick while lugging my big belly around.  Also, since my husband Seth and I can’t seem to do anything small, and after a busy year with getting married, moving halfway across the country, beginning new jobs, getting pregnant, buying our first house, moving again (at eight months pregnant in a blizzard), and having a baby I think it was time for something to come a bit easy and calm for a bit. 

    For three whole weeks life was very calm.  Reyna remained a pretty happy, easy baby.  We had the typical things of getting up through the night and lots of diapers, but nothing unexpected.  Until week three when Seth lost his job with a company he had been with for ten years.  The same company we relocated for when he got another of many promotions in his career.  The company that was largely paying our bills and keeping us going.  The company that helped us feel secure when recently buying our first house together.  Thankfully we had gone toward the lower end of what we could “afford.”  Seth then began his journey of looking for work, along with a large portion of our nation and over ten percent of our state.  Thankfully I had still had my wonderful job as a teacher to help us squeak by.  Best of all we had a beautiful, happy baby girl to make every day bright.

    As so many families have had to do we learned to get by with much less.  It was a tough situation but a huge benefit of the job loss was that when I returned to teaching in the fall, Seth was able to be home with Reyna.  She is a Daddy’s girl to this day and the impact of having her dad home with her is immense.  She remained a pretty easy baby and I am pretty sure for the first six months they were hanging out eating chili fries on the couch together.  Not sure how she gummed them down but she had the thighs and cankles to prove it!  I also don’t know how she survived infancy without me gobbling down her sweet chubby cheeks and rubber band wrists whole when I arrived home from work each day.  Her only issue as an infant was wicked acid reflux which again points to the chili fries.  Go ahead and deny it daddy!

Yep, look!

Are my feet still down there?